Friday, July 23, 2010

On the other side...

It was the unspoken words, the raillery, the laughter that one noticed most in their lives. Yes there were squabbles, but short lived. Laughter resounded most- his deep throated guffaws and her suppressed cuckoo like giggles. Until now that is…
  
Now at this juncture where it almost seemed like she might just disappear beyond the horizon, he felt utterly lost, devastated. Of course, it was natural, but to actually watch his raw, naked fear of being left alone was heart wrenching- it was like watching souls getting ripped apart. The pain in his eyes, the twitch of his lips, that pause as he swallowed a choke in the throat…the sheer loneliness he felt was so tangible that one could slice through it with tears. The helplessness of  not being able to be near her, touch her, give her solace , to simply tell her that he was beside her always…the craving to get her back, back from that scary precipice- the edge of beyond. He seemed to be ready to give away anything- ANYTHING in exchange to have her back, outside that freezing ICU, back into his life. The mundaneness of Daily Life now seemed so enticing and so far away…

As she lay drugged within the cold walls of the ICU, on this side of the wall, the hours and the minutes slithered by heavily in anxiety and fear, striving to keep the scariest thoughts at bay.  To wonder how much was she aware of , if she felt pain, if she was afraid? Did she feel alone, did she feel abandoned? When the sedation wore off, did she open her eyes wondering where she was, what was happening? Where was everyone? Perhaps she is just vaguely aware, hopefully, just so that she is not scared, she is not in pain, she does not feel lost… 

She left…


1 comment:

indianhomemaker said...

"To wonder how much was she aware of , if she felt pain, if she was afraid? Did she feel alone, did she feel abandoned? When the sedation wore off, did she open her eyes wondering where she was, what was happening? Where was everyone? Perhaps she is just vaguely aware, hopefully, just so that she is not scared, she is not in pain, she does not feel lost… " These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night...