Monday, October 31, 2005

Fickle thoughts

Her intuition had once again proved right-but she did not feel proud about the astuteness of her intuition- instead she wished she had been proved wrong-

What she had feared would transpire actually happened- and when the incident unfurled itself, it had a surreal feel to it- like it was not actually happening to her- she was not a part of the happening- like she was just watching it happen to somebody else as a spectator- so much so that she did not know how to react, respond. She remained queerly unmoved- and then she realized that she had to respond in some manner- and not just sit there like she were watching a movie. She had to think of an appropriate answer- hunt for the right words- She answered dispassionately- she calmly continued to pack his lunch for him- handed it over indifferently- told him to forget that he had uttered those words ever and that she had heard them.

After the impulsive outburst, seeing her grave expression perhaps he realized his blunder and began apologizing fervently- he asked for forgiveness- but she could not bring herself to say that she forgave him for his indiscretion. She stubbornly refused to say that she forgave him- She was not angry or even offended but she felt indignant that he had not paused to think about his wife back home or her husband who was his friend.

He got up and left and she closed- nay slammed the door after him… she hoped she would never have to see him again…

She did not want him to feel humiliated but she did want him to realize that he had been thoughtless- inconsiderate- She understood the frailty of human emotions, but how could he act upon his fickle feelings? Why did he have to confess to her about how he felt about her? What had he expected? How did he summon the audacity to utter those words to her? To tell her to the face that he found her “tempting”? Had he hoped for a reciprocal feeling? She shuddered at the thought.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

The Invisible Boundaries...

What did she want? What did she expect? He was right when he said that if she expected him to talk and behave in a specific manner, she might as well draw a picture, stick it on the wall and interact with that lifeless picture! He reminded her that he had a mind and heart of his own- that he existed beyond her imaginations and expectations- his thoughts and feelings could not be tethered to her whims.

She realized he was right. But then she could not make herself accept or like certain aspects of his behaviour while she loved particular traits in him- and he seemed so different at different times invoking contradictory responses within her- she was confused-

But him? He had no confusions, no dilemmas. For him things were simple- and uncomplicated- he could not see or understand beyond his feelings- he had no compunctions about rights or wrongs- He did not find it strange that Friendship could overstep its boundaries and stray into the terrirtory of Love. To him it seemed one of the most Natural culmination to their relationship.
He had no limits drawn for himself. He could not bring himself to stop abruptly at the point she dictated. He often wanted to stretch it a bit further-

So then was this relation incomplete? Or was it a farce? She did not know- but she knew that there was definitely some element which refused to stick to boundaries…some aspect which threatened to lurk beneath the surface- a lurking danger waiting to overwhelm her…where the invisible barriers wore thin and she had to be alert, wary, because she had to face herself at the end of the day…

And so they remained tottering on the rickety wall between definitions of relationships…

Monday, October 03, 2005

For Sumit and Prachi!

On the Threshold

The strains of the shehnai
are just round the corner...
the chanting of hymns...
the chiming of bells
echoing within and without

The misty fumes of incense and camphor
The fragrance of the mogra and bela blossoms
are already wafting in the air..

The verandas and the courtyards are bustling
Rustle of silks
glimmer of jewels

there is laughter, there are giggles
There is thrill, there is anticipation
and yet there is trepidation too
Hopes and expectations
Doubts and fears...

But there is willingness and readiness
To make the Best
On the threshold of a New Life
To stop being "I"
and begin as "WE"

Wish you both a Long, Happy Married life...